With the Summer finally approaching, it’s time to trade in those fur-lined jackets for vintage dresses and t-shirts. But wait! Before you make a huge fashion mistake, take a look at our list of trends that are just done. Like our banned Halloween costume list, it’s just our gift to you to make sure that at your next rooftop party you look more Lisa Bonet than Lisa Turtle.
Winter Hats During the Summer
Yes, this seems like a no-brainer. Yet here we are still wearing winter gear when it’s 90 degrees and sunny. What’s ironic about this look is that us people on the East Coast spend most months out of the year praying for decent weather only to carry this symbolic emotional baggage straight into August. Ladies and fellas, it’s time to let it go. Set your scalp free.
Summer Umbrellas and Parasols
There’s a real movement out there trying to make this a thing. They will fail. No amount of retro, cutesy, utilitarian, health-conscious justifications or celebrity endorsements will make this cool. Ever. If you value your reputation at all, hand your parasol to Mary Poppins and hope that a gust of wind takes her far, far away.
Sandals and Flip-Flops in the City
Do you value your toes? Have you looked at the ground lately? There’s a lot of nasty stuff down there. Plus, we’re trendsetting urbanites, not defeated auto mechanics from Illinois. The city is not your dorm room. If you’re going outside, even if it’s just to the corner bodega or liquor store, put on some acceptable form of shoe. If your father would wear it on his way from the bed to the bathroom, you’re heading in the wrong direction.
I remember a time when being a pair of pants was good enough. These days…I don’t even know. If your shirt, jacket, pants, skirt, or hat has so many transformations that it could be mistaken for Optimus Prime, burn it. Turning to ashes can be its final, greatest transformation.
See-Through Clothes with Visible Thongs
It’s time to make a choice. Either you want to wear clothes or you don’t. Either you want people to see your underwear or you don’t. You can’t have it both ways. You never see guys sagging translucent pants, so do us all a favor and find another way to be sexy. It’s not as tantalizing as you think.
Summer Clothing for Pets
This is a sickness. Your dog already has fur! It’s Summer.
People who do this remain undeterred mainly because dressing a pet is more for the owner anyway. But in this case, it’s particularly cruel because pet fashion in consistently two or three seasons behind (doggy jeggings?) and also because putting clothes on a dog during the hottest season of the year is a lot like…actually I think Aziz Ansari said it best.